are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
