I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
