i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The Olympian is in my bed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
