shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
