They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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