i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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