I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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