You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I supernannyed him into submission
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
