Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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