I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
