He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
