I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
