We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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