I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
