Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
