Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(979): View more from Texas

Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?

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(816): View more from Missouri

He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.

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(254): View more from Texas

Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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(419): View more from Ohio

had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.

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(802): View more from Vermont

He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs

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(541): View more from Oregon

But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.

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(210): View more from Texas

He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.

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(719): View more from Colorado

If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?

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