matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Someone shattered a urinal.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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