At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
