every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
