Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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