I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
