First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
