Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
