I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
