During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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