So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
