There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
