I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
