you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
