This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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