i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
