If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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