is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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