The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
