I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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