and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We got so high we made milksteak
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
