My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
