i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
