Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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