We need to rekindle our bromance
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
