and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
