All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
