My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
