You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
