You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
