Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
whose ass print is on the piano?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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