Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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