whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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