I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
