Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
